Dear men of the community

I sometimes forget that others see me as a man. I’m often more aware of my femininity, my colour and my neurospicyness.

But I am seen as a man, and I need to pay attention to what comes with that.

This week, a dear friend sent me the image below. Please download it. 🔽🔽🔽

Some of its words stopped me. It reminded me that, however I understand myself, I have a responsibility to face the harm men cause.

I have caused harm.

I have used male entitlement, sometimes without recognising it.

I have said some really stupid things.

A whole lot of different emotions come out when i've done this.

I’m squirming as I write this.

The guilt/shame side hits, which is so interesting for all of us to work through.

We need to be honest about entitlement.

We can be caring people and still cause harm. Often by not doing something, the harm is caused.

Recognising that isn’t about beating ourselves up.

It’s about taking responsibility and accountability, for what we do next, and for how we respond when we see other men causing harm.

Intent vs impact.

I still find myself avoiding the pub with groups of men, waiting for someone to say something awful.

And for a long time, I focused on family and work and turned away from the wider picture. I missed out on deeper friendships and conversations with men that might have helped me question my own patterns, and the patterns around us.

I’m still my learning journey on how patriarchy connects with other systems of power, including colonialism, and what that asks of me in my relationships and community.

I dont think that learning stops.

I believe men need to do this work together.

We cannot keep expecting women to teach us, carry it for us or point out what is already painfully obvious to them.

Some overarching question....

• What keeps us stuck in our own heads and worlds? What do we need to let out, to let the world in?
• How do we show up with more honesty, care and courage in our relationships?
• What can we do about male entitlement beyond our own lives?

I want more of us in community, challenging and supporting one another.

I want us to be bolder, and to make room for softness, joy, love and the occasional terrible dad joke.

Be men but also be bloody different to the current role models.!

I keep thinking of Adrienne Maree Brown as I write this: we don’t have to know exactly what this will become to begin. We can come together and see what emerges. And I absolutely do not have the answers.

If this speaks to you, join me at the Men’s Circle. Let’s explore three questions together, emerge together!

​https://menscircle.carrd.co/​

Image sent by my friend:

A framework from my Certificate in Anti-Oppressive Practice, Black Psychotherapy, when we started talking about decolonising ourselves.

And a playlist - used for Rise in Our Roots London - whatever you do - don't forget to dance.

London • MoAli On Sacred Ground • Chinmaya... PREVIEW   ​