Dear community

For years, I worked relentlessly for social justice overseas.

We called it “aid”, but it felt deeper when we supported people to strengthen their individual and collective voice and agency amid huge uncertainty.

I served with all my heart. Sometimes I couldn’t let go of my frustration or see other people’s perspectives.

I definitely struggled to prioritise my health, friendships and marriage. When in doubt, another hour of work always felt more tangible.

Classic male behaviour: struggling in silence, or letting it escape as random frustration! 🤣

Part of this was not having the vocabulary to describe what was happening. Even after much learning, reflection and healing, I still don’t always get the communication right.

The go-go-go culture.

The colonial, capitalist obsession with productivity.

The isolation our world has created.

I felt myself slipping back into it recently:

I must produce. I must keep going. I must fill the London session. I must complete this proposal.

Yesterday, I was reminded how precious life is when a 26-year-old was killed while crossing a road near me.

The shock made me ask again:

What is actually important?

Who the hell am I fighting?

When I strip away the funding cuts, toxic masculinity within our systems and my own fear, it seems to come down to this:

Looking after our bodies, our relationships with one another and nature.

Acting with love towards all three.

And recognising that I am often fighting with myself.

Is there more, when we really boil it down?

Yesterday, this meant cutting an important meeting short because I was full and tired. I came back later, more grounded, and explained honestly where I had been.

You know who you are. You are part of this community. 💖

I sometimes see my clients as a mirror.

They are courageous. They care deeply about their work, families, friends and communities. Their empathy is a superpower, but it can also mean absorbing everything around them.

Many are moving through frustration, disenfranchisement and the feeling that the boulder is simply too big. Yet they continue to find meaningful ways through.

One idea that helps is intentional adaptation, inspired by Adrienne Maree Brown’s Emergent Strategy. (If you haven’t read it, stop reading this post and buy the book immediately)

For me, it means surrounding ourselves with people who share a desire to change, then supporting one another to adapt, individually and collectively.

This is massively healing. I am learning to heal patterns passed down through generations, while hopefully making a different future more possible for Eli.

Three questions feel alive for me:

🌱 What is the destination I am dreaming towards?

🌱 How do I remain purposeful amid constant change?

🌱 How do I practise greater ease with what is happening around me?

I invite you to sit with these questions, alone or with your people.

Before the end of the year:

• I have space to work with one team, helping them navigate uncertainty with greater connection, agency and ease. Email me. I’d adore bringing intentionality to the uncertainty.
• Two places remain in the Men’s Circle. The joining deadline is 1 October.
• I have one place for one-to-one coaching, including membership of the Rockstar Club: a community of people intentionally adapting together.

And a song for your Friday.

Fighting Meryem Aboulouafa PREVIEW   ​