Dear community

Thank you for all the beautiful conversations this week during one-to-ones and PROJECT 10⁹.

PROJECT 10⁹ will be going to locations this spring and summer. Aberdeen on 9 August, Green Earth Awakening on 11 September, and Bristol with a date to be confirmed.

💖🌱👇🏾 Grief, knowledge and the courage to stay open

We are all consuming more grief. The grief of humanity. Personal grief of things happening at home. The cruelty we are witnessing around the world.

What I am noticing is that we are often consuming this by ourselves, scrolling on our phones or masking this in our day.

Knowledge, as Ram Dass talks about, is not what leads to us being different. It often leads us deeper into our thinking mind., into debates and into divisiveness.

The divisiveness used to feel like it was ‘out there’, somewhere away from me. But now I come across racialised incidents when I walk out the door. I also come across more love and connection when I walk out the door.

And that is it for me.

When I walk out the door.

When I am on my phone I isolate myself, flicking between the tabs of what the world is saying.

When I consume knowledge without the tolerance to let it go, it becomes pain.

When I consume this knowledge constantly, I move to a state of fragility, losing hope and feeling helpless.

This ghastly shadow knowledge is also affecting my personal relationships for sure. I am aware of how my anxiousness is showing up more.

As an incredible leader said in PROJECT 10⁹, we are all suffering from secondary trauma right now in some way or form. And as another leader voice-noted me this week, we are not meant to hold this trauma in isolation.

When I walk out the door I may be faced with racialised comments, but I am also able to receive the love around me.

Uncertainty

I used to cling on to something. Perhaps a contract or a job that gave me a sense of security.

But it also feels like that kind of security is more uncertain than ever. For those I speak to, and for myself.

Accepting that uncertainty has been a big step for holding grief and becoming more consciously aware.

Easy, right? 😂🤣

Last summer fear was ripe in me after losing so many contracts simultaneously.

How do I pay the bills? How do I pay the rent?

One of the biggest decisions was giving up my ideal home. Realising that if the answer is “I need more money”, it is not the right question.

When I let go of that fear and moved into trusting that the voice inside me would guide me (yes a bit woo-woo aka intuition) all the projects I run were birthed.

The CEO group, PROJECT 10⁹, Emerging 1,000, Rise in Our Roots, the men’s group.

The response from the universe was kindness shown by community.

In this moment, how do we grieve what is happening without spiralling into shame or avoidance? How do we show courage to be?

Protesting has helped. For me, protesting is not the end goal, it is about being in community. The protest itself is not the change. It is who I am afterwards and how I use that energy to be different.

So…

I try to be different every day.

I realise that my thinking brain is not going to be able to rationalise the increasing complexity of my personal life and the world.

I use this shadow knowledge that the world puts out there to connect rather than isolate.

I try to be more consciously aware of my actions, and hold that lightly, like a musical instrument, when I get I feel like the actions weren't aligned to my values.

I accept that I do not know where I am going.

I nourish myself but do not hide from the shadow knowledge coming my way.

I pause and find joy in watching my son’s intuition shape his growth of knowledge and then not knowing. He's started ice-skating, starting from scratch with his knowledge. (Loving that he's an Asian on ice!😂 )

I dance whenever I can.

I choose community wisely, but I do choose a community.

I am trying to let go of the idea that I will fully understand everything. Chasing that understanding feels like a dangerous game.

The ideal island

I want to move towards the reality of what I call my ideal island.

A place where the values of courage, joy and hope are held. Where my wisdom, that voice of intuition inside me, may help guide my actions.

I have been sitting with these questions:

When I observe this shadow knowledge and then how can I be different towards the world and myself?

If I let go of trying to understand everything, what does my intuition say?

What does my ideal island look like?

What does it look like to come not from my thinking mind, but also from my emotions, sensations and intuition?

🌱 In person events to be in community with us

​The Convergence Retreat in Nairobi - 20-24 May

​Rise in Our Roots in Sheffield, restarts 28 May

New Vibrations, one day retreat in London, 17 June - 🌱 Email me for a super early discount!

​PROJECT 10⁹ in person: Aberdeen 8 August and Green Earth Awakening 11 September

A wake up tune

Move on Up - Single Edit Curtis Mayfield PREVIEW   ​