Dear community

So I did my usual meditation this morning. I put a colander on my head, stuck a whisk in the air, and asked the universe a question...

Today’s question was: What’s a big challenge in society?”

I’m kidding about the first bit (colander and whisk). Although next time Eli asks me one of his endless “Why?” questions, I will genuinely hand him a colander and whisk. 🤣

But I did ask the question... seriously.

And the answer that came up was:
​Men. Not all men. But men.

I gulp a little writing that publicly, because it feels edgy and vulnerable to say out loud.

But perhaps courage means speaking honestly and inviting reflection together.

There is a huge lack of grounded, emotionally mature male role models in society right now. Many visible male leaders model dominance, oppression, disconnection and power-over behaviour, and our culture absorbs that.

At the same time, many quieter men who are genuinely trying to grow, heal and live differently are often doing so without many examples around them.

Many of you know I run a men’s circle. I'll be asking men...
What do we need to commit to for a better society?
What support do we need from each other and our communities to become healthier men?

I also realise the support we ask for externally is often something we must learn to cultivate internally.

For me, the culture of men, feels deeply connected to colonisation, hyper-capitalism, disconnection from community, and inherited ideas of masculinity rooted in pressure, suppression and performance.

Personally, I never met my grandparents, so I cannot fully tap into their wisdom directly. My father worked incredibly hard, and I feel blessed by what he gave me, but like many men, emotional learning often came in fragments rather than open spaces of reflection.

After Eli was born, I hit depression. There were no places where I felt I could openly speak about the conflicts happening inside me as a new father and man.

That’s partly why I care so much about this work now.

As I work with men, especially fathers, I see how many are trying to become healthier role models whilst also healing wounds we inherited. Voicing thoughts for the first time. Bloody thoughts!

I want to be a role model that honours my ancestry whilst healing some of its pain. But I don’t think men can do that alone.
Hence the men’s circle.

So I want to ask openly:

To the women here:
What qualities do you want to see in male role models?
What do you want to see men commit to for a better world?

And to the men:
What support do we genuinely need from each other, from community, and from the people around us?

For me personally, the kinds of relational dynamics that help me grow into healthier masculinity are:
• Loving and respectful challenge when I fall short of my potential
• Honesty that allows trust and growth rather than performance
• Clear two-way communication rooted in truth and learning (not winning)
• Being seen as a human trying to grow, rather than pretending I already have it figured out
• Play and connection. So so important for me to find ways to keep connecting with play as resistance.

And I also realise these are things I must continue giving to myself and other men too.

Anyway. I’ll let you know what tomorrow’s colander-and-whisk wisdom session brings 🤣

💫💫 Next Men's Circle💫💫

12 June 7.30pm UK time - https://menscircle.carrd.co/​

And a tune! It may make you cry!

Father And Son Yusuf / Cat Stevens PREVIEW   ​